Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Autism sucks and the blame game

Isn't it great to start autism awareness month with a post about an autism blog?

I don't believe that coincidence rules our lives as much as certain people want to make me believe. Fact is, I'm way behind spreading commentluv on people and their blogs.
Jeannie commented on a post of march 24!!

Her blog has a name that sticks to my mind: Autism sucks.
It's written by a team of autism parents, and all who have children with autism are welcome to write.

Because the posts are real life, and are written very well, I recognize a lot from my own life and the lives of my children.
Take the last post: The blame game.

No week goes by without thinking about the causes of my sons autism.
Which features and characteristics do I share?
Have I done anything wrong in such a way that I contribute to the problem?

Their father is clearly on the autism spectrum too. It's impossible to ignore that.
But do I play a part too?

Like Katrina, who has written "The blame game" I'm very sensitive to light.
I was among the first to wear self-coloring glasses and I remember one of the lecturers telling me to put off my sunglasses or leave.
I left... straight to the medical department to get permission to wear them at university.

Only one of my sons has a good sense for detail, but I pity them all, because I'm the one who observes everything and remembers visual details so well, that I'm still able to describe situations in detail from 40 years ago.
But almost all family members had a great eye for detail. We all grew up as story tellers. Our family history is detailed and needs to be written down before it disappears.

The emotions I had when I realised my oldest son had asperger syndrome (about 18 to 20 years ago) are long gone.
Autism sucks, oh yes it does, but I'm not playing the blame game anymore.
There are days I fail to keep my mind focussed on the needs of the kids and I feel disappointed that my life isn't even 5% of what I want it to be, but I know it's just natural to feel that way.

We don't have therapies and support available like in many other countries.
It's just a good diagnosis and maybe a few sessions of therapy and some meds. That's it.

I've been my kids speech therapist, I've been their behavioral therapist and everything else.
Because of that I haven't been able to have the career that was expected. No pension.
It makes me sad that so many parents have a very hard life, because society isn't aware enough that autism is just as bad as having no legs.
My kids need a psychological wheelchair.

Well, you see the associations the blog "Autism Sucks" raises.

When you don't know anything about autism you'll be able to get insight. When you live with autism you'll sure feel a lot better seeing others are dealing with the same issues like you do.


  1. Hi Laane! Thanks for featuring my blog, Autism Sucks. I am Tina. and I started Autism Sucks for the autism community to have a place to vent. I appreciate that you linked to it!

    Send Chocolate
    you can follow me on twitter @sendchocolate

  2. "My kids need a psychological wheelchair." What a brilliant and insightful line. Thanks for bringing this issue to the fore. Our country needs to pay more attention to this issue and create support, awareness and funding for all its facets.

  3. I cannot imagine living with autism or even parenting a child with autism, but my perspective as a spec ed teacher gives me a little glimpse. It's TOUGH!! I suppose the Blame Game is a part of the process all parents go through. The thing that makes ME sad is thinking of kids with autism whose parents don't have the skills to parent them properly or to advocate for them. I'm glad your children had you for a mom.

  4. Hi Laane, thanks for the visit. It is my privilege to ask some favor from you, if you don't mind. This is about my daughter who suffered depression. I know your a psychologist as I read in your profile. But of course, I need your answer in case that you are eager to help me. I just only want to ask some advice from you. Thanks and please visit her blog too, there you can understand what I Thanks a lot and God bless.



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